fingers on paint

i thought.
About words to run off into different parallel versions of themselves
So I could give to you
A bit more than a thought
A newborn idea
Struggling
Trading
Its breath
For the money it thought it was worth
Choosing to exist
Choosing to create
Like so many times all I created were tears in the name of feeling something
Because feeling something is sometimes too
Much of an
Inaccessible
Manipulating
lie

Numbness a whore you pay off in the street
Count the particles of aids in the highway
And cry for the earth
For the innocence of mankind
Lost in you
For the selfishness in me
I wish I could throw
Like a pebble
Skip skip skipping across a surface that is far too pure
Running across a secret that is too much
On your lips
Too little on mine
Wishing
That a stranger could grant me some sort of reflection
That no amount of one night stands
Or silent soundtracks
Could ever give me
Could never become mirrors
More than the homeless
The dreamless
And the ones that got run over
By just another bus carrying broken souls across the city
Day after day


That no sense of structure
No sense of the timing of a rhythm
Should ever be found
Look down
Upon me
And tell me what im doing wrong
Inherently ambiguous
Just as I am
Impulsively delirious
As much as I can
As much as I ever wanted
To press my lips against the sky
And call myself theirs.
The stars’
To become the wish I knew I could spend my whole life pleading for
And the words I know I could spend my nights waiting for
And the thoughts in the back of my mind
That would wait it out to make themselves known.
Take me into you
Like me and you and the moon found a new way to have a threesome
Anarchy
Trying to become
Entropy
Everything we could ever have been
Fighting the delusions
Of an unavoidable, unmerciful fate
Or circumstances running loose trying to net us into oblivion
Like the worst nightmare I had when I was a child
When I learnt that word
Oblivion
I remember the taste
Of metal on my tongue
And the sense of a loneliness that wasn’t mine to hold
To comprehend
Call me into company honey
Lift my memories from my skin and turn them into a smell
Nothing less threatening than a smell
A memory
Nonetheless
Make yourself a layer of mud and silk
On every drop of rain
Traipsing free
Under my clothes.